Backtracking a little here.
One of the major considerations with moving to another country was whether Jono would regress at all.
We decided that if we returned to Australia after 18 months, and he is the same as what he is now, that it was a risk we were willing to take, to give all the family the opportunity to live in another country.
For the first 4-5 months everyone settled in very nicely, and we established routines that worked, as well as having the chance to go exploring around a bit of the country.
We thought he was coping very well and we wouldn't have problems, he grew a little but no regression.
Then we hit a bumpy 2 weeks, reflecting now it wasn't an issue, but at the time we were fairly concerned.
He started to talk less, interact less, obey less, have less interest in us as a family and communicate a lot less overall. We spoke with the school if they noticed anything, but he was still too new for them to know him that well, and they had only noticed a few minor things.
Mind you, it took us around a week and a half to notice it ourselves, and once we started talking to the school and got some interaction going, he pretty much 'snapped' out of it. He started growing again, interacting again, and even talking more than before.
Perhaps it was 1 step back for 2 steps forward? Perhaps he just needed a break? Perhaps the impact of the life change had finally hit?
We really have no clue, but the fears of regression are now gone, even if (when) he does regress, he has shown us that he comes back stronger, and that a good thing for us to take note of for our own lives :)
Showing posts with label coping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coping. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, June 12, 2009
Mum, Look et dis!
We,ve been doing some rather major renovations of our house lately.. specifically building a pool in the backyard. I honestly didn't realize just how much mess and dirt and mud there was going to be. We've asked them to do some extra landscaping work while the excavator has been on site so I feel that every single part of the house has been trashed. *hums to self.. it's only temporary*
Co-incidentally Jono has been getting us a lot more involved in his world lately, he will call out for someone to look 'et dis' (at this) and point, sometimes we have no clue what he is looking at sometimes we can guess it, occasionally he will give a description, which often goes along the lines of 'mumble, jumble, gargle, wargle, TRUCK'. ahh... he saw a truck. Then we can ask questions like: What colour was it Jono? and he will answer, it's a white one.
We are up to 4-5 word sentences that are impromptu, structured by him and make sense. It's wonderful! So... back to the pool. This next part I'll be doing in pictures, as I simply cannot describe this.
Firstly, our yard kinda 'before' we started all this.
Next, our yard part way through the leveling of the land.
And... here's a mud puddle that grew in the corner.... Yes, that 'is' Jono walking near it to go to the swingset on the top terrace... no he didn't fall in it, on this day. However...
One of the morning we were madly running to get out the door to school, all the kids were dressed, and I was getting the last things into their school bags so we could get out the door. Jono was in the backyard on the swing (which he loves) and I thought he would have no problems staying clean.
I told the kids, 2 minutes and we are leaving.. and the next thing I hear is a little voice at the back door "Mum, Look et dis" I can hear a grin in the voice so I go to check it out. I wasn't prepared. He had slipped and fallen in to the mud puddle, and was thrilled!! At first I raced him to the shower, then I stopped grabbed the camera and took photos with him laughing the whole time.
I marched him back outside quickly for a few more photos. So I didn't have even more mud through the house. Daniel grabbed my phone and took some photos on there as well.
Amazingly, we still made it to school on time!
Co-incidentally Jono has been getting us a lot more involved in his world lately, he will call out for someone to look 'et dis' (at this) and point, sometimes we have no clue what he is looking at sometimes we can guess it, occasionally he will give a description, which often goes along the lines of 'mumble, jumble, gargle, wargle, TRUCK'. ahh... he saw a truck. Then we can ask questions like: What colour was it Jono? and he will answer, it's a white one.
We are up to 4-5 word sentences that are impromptu, structured by him and make sense. It's wonderful! So... back to the pool. This next part I'll be doing in pictures, as I simply cannot describe this.
Firstly, our yard kinda 'before' we started all this.
Next, our yard part way through the leveling of the land.
And... here's a mud puddle that grew in the corner.... Yes, that 'is' Jono walking near it to go to the swingset on the top terrace... no he didn't fall in it, on this day. However...
One of the morning we were madly running to get out the door to school, all the kids were dressed, and I was getting the last things into their school bags so we could get out the door. Jono was in the backyard on the swing (which he loves) and I thought he would have no problems staying clean.
I told the kids, 2 minutes and we are leaving.. and the next thing I hear is a little voice at the back door "Mum, Look et dis" I can hear a grin in the voice so I go to check it out. I wasn't prepared. He had slipped and fallen in to the mud puddle, and was thrilled!! At first I raced him to the shower, then I stopped grabbed the camera and took photos with him laughing the whole time.
I marched him back outside quickly for a few more photos. So I didn't have even more mud through the house. Daniel grabbed my phone and took some photos on there as well.
Amazingly, we still made it to school on time!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Who would put their 10 year old into counselling?
*puts one hand in the air*
That would be me.
*put up other hand*
And my husband.
It's been an interesting few weeks, we've been delving into 'causes' of our weight gain, and looking at our lives and the things that have caused our bodies to gain weight. A lot of the recent weight changes is just 'coping' with the changes in our lives due to have a child with special needs, and the personal guilt, anger, disappointment, resentment and so on through to the point of being 'ok' with it and continuing on with living in a good frame of mind rather than a guilty one.
So with all of that we have been looking at Daniel and what 'could' have caused his weight gain. We went back through the family photos and discovered that when he was in grade one, he was skinny as.. then from around the middle of grade two onwards he started to bulk up.
When we looked at the photos we realised a catalyst for him in his life has been his grade 2 teacher... she used to yell at the students and he would come home around once every 6weeks saying that she was shouting. At the time we didn't think a great deal of it, and tried to tell him perhaps the kids where being naughty. Wether it was that simple or not, it had a massive effect on him. So much so that when he started grade 3 he was so amazingly scared of going to school, we talked it through and we thought it was dealt with and we all moved on...
This year, with looking back at his life in photos, and talking to him about it we realised how much bigger this was for him. Then Sarah started saying that her teacher yelled at the kids and they would all get scared. Mommy Bear awoke at this point raised her head and decided to take it straight to the authorities... the school principal.
The night before I met with the principal I was talking with my Mother-in-Law about life and talked about this latest realisation we had. In discussion she talked about the chances are that Jono has also had a large impact on Daniel and told me about the times Daniel wasn't coping and would clench his fists in anger about things that jono was doing... At the time I was not able to see what was happening with him and I wasn't even aware of this going on. I've since seen it and talked with him about it.
So... in the principal's office we discussed the grade 2 teacher, the challenges of having a special needs child for us as a family and the difficulities that could be there for Daniel. She said that the school was going to have a counsellor once a week to the school to help children with things like this and would I like Daniel in the program. Half of me said yes, and half of me said 'what am I doing?'. Regardless, I booked him in. The counsellor was due in 2 days after I saw the principal... talk abut timing.
That night at dinner we talked with Daniel that he could have this person to talk to about 'anything', about his teachers, about his family life, about Mummy getting sad, about Daddy getting frustrated, about him getting frustrated, everything was open for him to talk about, and that this person can give him ideas and suggestions to help him out both at school and at home.
He was really interested to understand all about the counsellor and wanted to know everything I talked about with the principal. A few days later he had his first session. When he got home we asked him how it all went. He enjoyed it and was really happy to go, so much so that he asked to go again the next day. I don't know how much he really got to discuss that first day, or if he's just excited to be missing out on school, but I'm happy he's happy with it, and that he has an outlet and an option for him.
We all need support, and sometimes it turns up in unexpected ways.
That would be me.
*put up other hand*
And my husband.
It's been an interesting few weeks, we've been delving into 'causes' of our weight gain, and looking at our lives and the things that have caused our bodies to gain weight. A lot of the recent weight changes is just 'coping' with the changes in our lives due to have a child with special needs, and the personal guilt, anger, disappointment, resentment and so on through to the point of being 'ok' with it and continuing on with living in a good frame of mind rather than a guilty one.
So with all of that we have been looking at Daniel and what 'could' have caused his weight gain. We went back through the family photos and discovered that when he was in grade one, he was skinny as.. then from around the middle of grade two onwards he started to bulk up.
When we looked at the photos we realised a catalyst for him in his life has been his grade 2 teacher... she used to yell at the students and he would come home around once every 6weeks saying that she was shouting. At the time we didn't think a great deal of it, and tried to tell him perhaps the kids where being naughty. Wether it was that simple or not, it had a massive effect on him. So much so that when he started grade 3 he was so amazingly scared of going to school, we talked it through and we thought it was dealt with and we all moved on...
This year, with looking back at his life in photos, and talking to him about it we realised how much bigger this was for him. Then Sarah started saying that her teacher yelled at the kids and they would all get scared. Mommy Bear awoke at this point raised her head and decided to take it straight to the authorities... the school principal.
The night before I met with the principal I was talking with my Mother-in-Law about life and talked about this latest realisation we had. In discussion she talked about the chances are that Jono has also had a large impact on Daniel and told me about the times Daniel wasn't coping and would clench his fists in anger about things that jono was doing... At the time I was not able to see what was happening with him and I wasn't even aware of this going on. I've since seen it and talked with him about it.
So... in the principal's office we discussed the grade 2 teacher, the challenges of having a special needs child for us as a family and the difficulities that could be there for Daniel. She said that the school was going to have a counsellor once a week to the school to help children with things like this and would I like Daniel in the program. Half of me said yes, and half of me said 'what am I doing?'. Regardless, I booked him in. The counsellor was due in 2 days after I saw the principal... talk abut timing.
That night at dinner we talked with Daniel that he could have this person to talk to about 'anything', about his teachers, about his family life, about Mummy getting sad, about Daddy getting frustrated, about him getting frustrated, everything was open for him to talk about, and that this person can give him ideas and suggestions to help him out both at school and at home.
He was really interested to understand all about the counsellor and wanted to know everything I talked about with the principal. A few days later he had his first session. When he got home we asked him how it all went. He enjoyed it and was really happy to go, so much so that he asked to go again the next day. I don't know how much he really got to discuss that first day, or if he's just excited to be missing out on school, but I'm happy he's happy with it, and that he has an outlet and an option for him.
We all need support, and sometimes it turns up in unexpected ways.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Daddy Day
Over the past few weeks we have been having a special outing for Daddy and one of the kids. Three weeks ago it was Daniel and Daddy going to the movies and lunch. Two weeks ago it was Sarah and Daddy going skirt shopping with iced chocolate and muffins after. Last week was Jono's turn.
I'd come up with the idea of taking Jono to a games arcade at the local shopping centre as we had been to one in the city and he really enjoyed himself. Rob was quite excited about it and spoke with Jono about it quite a few times in the week leading up to the day, Jono seemed rather excited about it as well. On the morning as they headed out they both seemed quite happy to be going. I bundled up the other two and a tag-along friend and went iceskating.
After we all got home it turns out Jono didn't really have a good time at all, he spent a fair amount of time in the arcade with his hands on his ears and crying (which he's never done when we all went together in the city). Rob took him to a Macca's and then for a wander around the shops, but it just didn't quite turn out the way he'd imagined it to.
They where ok when they got home, and Jono was happy enough (he really is a very happy boy) but Rob was quite downhearted about how it all turned out and we talked a bit about expectations and reality and adjusting them as need be. He didn't do anything wrong, it just didn't quite go to plan... and that's ok.
I distinctly remember the times for myself where I've had an outing or a plan in mind of what I want to get done with the kids because it's all I have energy for, or because I think they will enjoy it if they just give it a try.. or whatever reason, but having it go wrong, and usually because Jono isnt coping (or more to the point I'm not coping with Jono not coping). I've had to learnt to adjust, adjust my own attitude, adjust the plan, adjust the schedule, decide to not stress if we are late or have to leave early, and above all, to not blame or throw guilt around on anyone... especially myself.
*self hugs*
*and hugs for you too, coz there are days we can all use a hug*
I'd come up with the idea of taking Jono to a games arcade at the local shopping centre as we had been to one in the city and he really enjoyed himself. Rob was quite excited about it and spoke with Jono about it quite a few times in the week leading up to the day, Jono seemed rather excited about it as well. On the morning as they headed out they both seemed quite happy to be going. I bundled up the other two and a tag-along friend and went iceskating.
After we all got home it turns out Jono didn't really have a good time at all, he spent a fair amount of time in the arcade with his hands on his ears and crying (which he's never done when we all went together in the city). Rob took him to a Macca's and then for a wander around the shops, but it just didn't quite turn out the way he'd imagined it to.
They where ok when they got home, and Jono was happy enough (he really is a very happy boy) but Rob was quite downhearted about how it all turned out and we talked a bit about expectations and reality and adjusting them as need be. He didn't do anything wrong, it just didn't quite go to plan... and that's ok.
I distinctly remember the times for myself where I've had an outing or a plan in mind of what I want to get done with the kids because it's all I have energy for, or because I think they will enjoy it if they just give it a try.. or whatever reason, but having it go wrong, and usually because Jono isnt coping (or more to the point I'm not coping with Jono not coping). I've had to learnt to adjust, adjust my own attitude, adjust the plan, adjust the schedule, decide to not stress if we are late or have to leave early, and above all, to not blame or throw guilt around on anyone... especially myself.
*self hugs*
*and hugs for you too, coz there are days we can all use a hug*
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Affects on a Parent
30 Kilos... 70 Pounds...
Wow, it's startling when I make it so simple, what affect has Autism had on my life... besides the emotional turmoil, the lack of 'normalcy', the impact on our lifestyle, the types of jobs we are able to choose, and so on, it's also meant 30 kilos.... of extra weight.
It's taken 5 years to put those 30 kilos on, and a heck of a lot of it was comfort eating. Rob and had been active members and leaders of a church group for 15 years, the majority of it in Sydney, after Jonathan was born we wanted to come back home to be with our families, and continued on with the same church group for a while, but after we got a diagnosis (when he was 2), we felt a huge lack of support from many areas in our lives (whether the lack of support was real or imagined or just the effects of the overwhelming emotion we were feeling or a coping mechanism... I don't really know), and we shut down, for 5 years.
In that 5 years we didn't go out very much, it was far too difficult to go to a park unless it had fences all the way around the play area so we didn't have to be on our feet and constantly running after this child who had no comprehension of boundaries and danger. We couldn't talk with people easily as we 'always' had to have one eye on Jono, and the other eye on the other two. At the church we went to, the building was on a main road and we 'almost' had Jono get hit by a car one time as he raced towards the 4 lanes of traffic one time when he slipped away from us. You can read a bit about that time here.
In that 5 years we started playing online computer games, we had a way to connect with some people, we had fun together, and we had an 'escape', we enjoyed the escape a lot, perhaps too much and would often be online all day and then all night... we also stayed up very late and ate junk food... lots of junk food.
In that 5 years cleaning the house went completely out the window, if everyone got fed from clean plates I was happy with that, if they had clean clothes that was ok and if their bed sheets got washed every now and then, that would do. The floors were a constant mess... Jono had no concept of the rubbish bin or tidying up, and I was too overwhelmed to teach him, so he would eat something and then drop scraps on the floor.
In that 5 years I put on 30 kilos.
I have to say that today, looking at all this its a foreign world, we are still working on things from this time, but a lot of it has changed.
Around a year ago the 'fog' started to lift, I got a job with my husbands company painting an office building, 2 stories, every wall, every cubicle, all by myself. I got to choose the colours, I created something lovely out of something disgusting (and I'm being serious, it had been graffiti'd and left in disarray before they took the building over), I could see the changes happening in front of my eyes, and I lost 5 kilos (around 10 pounds). It was the start.
As last year progressed we gave up that online game and started spending more time with real people, I got a job as a graphic designer, during school hours, and joined weight watchers. I was starting to have communities again... and over the rest of the year lost another 5 kilos.
This year so far, is going great and the Affects of Autism are not as overwhelming as what they once were. I've allready lost a few more kilos, and am aiming to lose the other 20 within the next 2 years. We are planning on putting in a pool in the yard, and are getting more focused on health, nutrition and exercise. I'm also changing standards for the house, Today I can even see Jono's floor!
We are getting there, we've been in a pit, a large, stinky, gooey isolating pit, partly due to our own coping mechanisms, but coming out the other side of it I can also see that we have learned, changed and grown...
... all of us.
Wow, it's startling when I make it so simple, what affect has Autism had on my life... besides the emotional turmoil, the lack of 'normalcy', the impact on our lifestyle, the types of jobs we are able to choose, and so on, it's also meant 30 kilos.... of extra weight.
It's taken 5 years to put those 30 kilos on, and a heck of a lot of it was comfort eating. Rob and had been active members and leaders of a church group for 15 years, the majority of it in Sydney, after Jonathan was born we wanted to come back home to be with our families, and continued on with the same church group for a while, but after we got a diagnosis (when he was 2), we felt a huge lack of support from many areas in our lives (whether the lack of support was real or imagined or just the effects of the overwhelming emotion we were feeling or a coping mechanism... I don't really know), and we shut down, for 5 years.
In that 5 years we didn't go out very much, it was far too difficult to go to a park unless it had fences all the way around the play area so we didn't have to be on our feet and constantly running after this child who had no comprehension of boundaries and danger. We couldn't talk with people easily as we 'always' had to have one eye on Jono, and the other eye on the other two. At the church we went to, the building was on a main road and we 'almost' had Jono get hit by a car one time as he raced towards the 4 lanes of traffic one time when he slipped away from us. You can read a bit about that time here.
In that 5 years we started playing online computer games, we had a way to connect with some people, we had fun together, and we had an 'escape', we enjoyed the escape a lot, perhaps too much and would often be online all day and then all night... we also stayed up very late and ate junk food... lots of junk food.
In that 5 years cleaning the house went completely out the window, if everyone got fed from clean plates I was happy with that, if they had clean clothes that was ok and if their bed sheets got washed every now and then, that would do. The floors were a constant mess... Jono had no concept of the rubbish bin or tidying up, and I was too overwhelmed to teach him, so he would eat something and then drop scraps on the floor.
In that 5 years I put on 30 kilos.
I have to say that today, looking at all this its a foreign world, we are still working on things from this time, but a lot of it has changed.
Around a year ago the 'fog' started to lift, I got a job with my husbands company painting an office building, 2 stories, every wall, every cubicle, all by myself. I got to choose the colours, I created something lovely out of something disgusting (and I'm being serious, it had been graffiti'd and left in disarray before they took the building over), I could see the changes happening in front of my eyes, and I lost 5 kilos (around 10 pounds). It was the start.
As last year progressed we gave up that online game and started spending more time with real people, I got a job as a graphic designer, during school hours, and joined weight watchers. I was starting to have communities again... and over the rest of the year lost another 5 kilos.
This year so far, is going great and the Affects of Autism are not as overwhelming as what they once were. I've allready lost a few more kilos, and am aiming to lose the other 20 within the next 2 years. We are planning on putting in a pool in the yard, and are getting more focused on health, nutrition and exercise. I'm also changing standards for the house, Today I can even see Jono's floor!
We are getting there, we've been in a pit, a large, stinky, gooey isolating pit, partly due to our own coping mechanisms, but coming out the other side of it I can also see that we have learned, changed and grown...
... all of us.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Today, I feel it
This weekend has been fairly big in a few ways, and today's not going that great so far... Bedsides the fact that it is Monday. We are working on Jono wearing his proper school shirt, and it was going ok last week, but today he's completely against it.
Back to the weekend though. On Friday I took the kids all shopping to get groceries at Coles to help the bushfire appeal. We walked past a games shop and Jono just wanted to stay and watch, I let him for a little while, then we needed to get going. I cajoled, demanded, dragged, insisted and ended up smacking him to try and get him moving past the shop. He dropped to the floor in tears, I realized we weren't getting anywhere so I stopped and hugged him till he calmed down enough for us to be able to move. 10 minutes later we were in Coles.
While there all three kids were being mischievous as the lines were so long and some old guy who doesn't know us from a bar of soap mutters under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear, something about smacking children. Thankyou random stranger for the input. Grrrrrr
Then we went to a new church on Sunday, and a few people 'noticed' the noise emanating from our corner, not pushy or nosy, and not many of them but on top of Friday, I felt it.
I started to think, we will never be 'accepted' as a family, we will always be people who are different. As a child I strove to be different, but on my terms... Being goofy, funny, silly... This is not on my terms and I don't like that.
So today, He can't wear the school shirt, I don't know why, He can't tell us what's wrong with it, and is totally overwhelmed about the whole idea of wearing it... Both of us.
Today, I'm feeling it.
Back to the weekend though. On Friday I took the kids all shopping to get groceries at Coles to help the bushfire appeal. We walked past a games shop and Jono just wanted to stay and watch, I let him for a little while, then we needed to get going. I cajoled, demanded, dragged, insisted and ended up smacking him to try and get him moving past the shop. He dropped to the floor in tears, I realized we weren't getting anywhere so I stopped and hugged him till he calmed down enough for us to be able to move. 10 minutes later we were in Coles.
While there all three kids were being mischievous as the lines were so long and some old guy who doesn't know us from a bar of soap mutters under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear, something about smacking children. Thankyou random stranger for the input. Grrrrrr
Then we went to a new church on Sunday, and a few people 'noticed' the noise emanating from our corner, not pushy or nosy, and not many of them but on top of Friday, I felt it.
I started to think, we will never be 'accepted' as a family, we will always be people who are different. As a child I strove to be different, but on my terms... Being goofy, funny, silly... This is not on my terms and I don't like that.
So today, He can't wear the school shirt, I don't know why, He can't tell us what's wrong with it, and is totally overwhelmed about the whole idea of wearing it... Both of us.
Today, I'm feeling it.
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